That False Strength

Sometimes, it hurts the most when people try to pretend so hard that it didn’t. It’s when they think that showing pain would make them appear weak—so they hide it because it’s the only way they could feel that false strength.

But do you know what’s better?

It’s to get through it.

It’s what makes that false strength real.

Because a person wouldn’t know how strong he is until being strong’s the only choice left.

“It’s funny how destiny gives us the wrong people every time. It’s like, ‘hey, this person’s gonna break your heart, but let him be a perfect person first before everything else’. I’m sick and tired of it.”

“Yeah, destiny does that.”

“Is that your only answer? That’s far from your philosophical replies—

“I guess destiny does that because it’s the only way you can discover that you’re stronger than you think you are. And then, when you’re the strongest, it gives you the right person so that you can hold on to him for a long time, a lifetime even.” 

“Figured out about that fear yet?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I hear it?”

“It’s you.”

There was a shrug.

“I always thought it was that terror professor—

“I figured I’m afraid to lose you. I love you, and you’re my best friend. I can’t lose you.” 

I don’t understand the humankind. There are lots of things to love, people to love. Why do WE waste our time hating on one?

I constantly hurt myself for you. If that doesn’t clue you in that I love you, then what would?

I have the same excuse as those who have troubles falling in love.

I’m afraid to get hurt.

“She’s one of the few who would smile not because she wanted to hide the pain, but just because she knew of so many other reasons to do so.”

You’re so tired of everything that you’re just waiting for the end.

It’s not like you’re giving up, but you’re too tired of the same old things that you quietly retire to waiting, doing the routines, and surviving another day until the end. It’s not life that wears you out, it’s the things thrown together into one spit of your existence that do.

You get tired of the system, and the rules they so strongly play. You get tired of the same old musings, ramblings and rants they rub on your face like trying to imply that everyday it’s your fault that it’s not better or that it’s not working. 

You slowly start to believe it, to believe that everything is your fault, even if you had started out strong. It wears you out and it keeps you grounded, like everything is not in order because of you.

And you feel like this is all you, your doings, your fault.

And then, you look around and see them looking at you with their beady eyes, those lethal things that sees to no bounds.

Then, you fear, because you were left with nothing else to do, but be afraid.

Scared?

Every time I’m near to telling you how I feel, you feel it, too and you walk away. What is it about love that scares the shit out of you? Or am I the only one feeling this?

I’m afraid I’d have nothing if I don’t have you.

“I know I’ll find my way back to you.”

If we’re really meant to be together, I’ll find my way back to you.
Even if the world disapproves, even if I’m wrong and they’re right.
If we’re really meant to be together, I’ll never look at someone else. 
Even if the skies cry and the stars dim, even if the wind blows and the leaves fall.

In the night, I find your voice lurking in my deepest dreams.
So I will find my way even if there’s not a single ray of light in my nightmares.
In the day, I find your face in every thought that I think.
So I will find my own place in your eyes even if they’re not looking at me.

Then, if my day ends and we’re still not as one,
I’ll hold back my tears and let them fall somewhere else.
Just not on you, so that you can be happy,
Even if being happy means that you’re not with me. 

I wanna go to a world where nothing matters except being yourself. I wanna go somewhere free, where people aren’t judgmental and conceited. I may only be someone who dreams, but I know that people also dream about it.

People take slow steps, but together, our world can be like this.

Everything that happens, all of this, it happens for a reason.

Learn to accept that, though you may have a strong grip on your reality and a broad tolerance for your fantasy, life will not always be what you picture it to be. 

What you can do? Smile and embrace every blow, every heart ache, and everything. Learn to become someone who will bend obediently when most needed, but will stand sturdily when in battle.

Never give up, never back down. Hold on tight to the things that make you happy and let go of the things that hurt you. Be patient and humble. Wait for the right time, because there will always be a right time.

Try something and never regret it.