I am nowhere near fucking perfect. Why did I ever think I would have a chance with him?

That False Strength

Sometimes, it hurts the most when people try to pretend so hard that it didn’t. It’s when they think that showing pain would make them appear weak—so they hide it because it’s the only way they could feel that false strength.

But do you know what’s better?

It’s to get through it.

It’s what makes that false strength real.

Because a person wouldn’t know how strong he is until being strong’s the only choice left.

I’d like to think that the days are getting better. I’d like to maintain the illusion that the sun is still shining in my world, so that when it wouldn’t anymore, I’d still see the light that I created in my mind.　

I can’t think of the END.

I don’t want to think of the ending. I would be sad and sappy and just lonely when something ends. That’s why I don’t like getting attached to something temporary.

I just can’t bear looking at the tail of a car as it spews smoke at my face while my best friend gazes at me from the window of that car. I can’t bear a broken heart nor the tears because a kid could only suffer as much.

The irony of this world.

Shout for silence.

Lie to extract the truth.

A bad for the good.

War for peace.

Nothing is permanent

All things must come to an end. Some may be just as painful as the others, some may also be happy and satisfying. But, I swear, every change, every leaving, every departure could use a lot of getting used to.

For the things that may hurt, you just have to brace yourself. It isn’t life if it does not hurt, remember that.

For the things that make you happy, savor them and make them last. They might say life isn’t fair, but it truly is fun if you try to see things differently.

“It’s funny how destiny gives us the wrong people every time. It’s like, ‘hey, this person’s gonna break your heart, but let him be a perfect person first before everything else’. I’m sick and tired of it.”

“Yeah, destiny does that.”

“Is that your only answer? That’s far from your philosophical replies—

“I guess destiny does that because it’s the only way you can discover that you’re stronger than you think you are. And then, when you’re the strongest, it gives you the right person so that you can hold on to him for a long time, a lifetime even.” 

“Figured out about that fear yet?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I hear it?”

“It’s you.”

There was a shrug.

“I always thought it was that terror professor—

“I figured I’m afraid to lose you. I love you, and you’re my best friend. I can’t lose you.” 

I was there, you know.

I hope those who are really close to me won’t read this.

But, I was there. There was a point in my life when I couldn’t take it anymore. I was at the lowest point of my life. The mere effort of waking up tires me and as much as I tried to conceal my pain, I was always coming home with a heavy feeling in my heart.

No one could explain to me why I was experiencing everything, no one could tell me why all of those kept happening to me. I was hanging by a thread and my brain was thinking this is the end of everything.

I was a freshman when it happened. Even recalling it makes me want to go back in time and slap myself across the face. I have done a lot of stupid decisions in my life, but life itself gave me a hard time. I was put in a position where everything was just a blur, that I could not distinguish where something ends and something begins.

I was ready, you know, I started with small safety pins. I would drag that thing across any part of my body. At first, on my knees, then on my palms, at the back of my hands. No one knew about that. Then, those became sharp pencils, blades from sharpeners. I never used a blade or a knife.

It was never that serious if people were to examine. But, it was the lowest I have ever felt and I seriously thought I was in a dead end.

But no. I was just starting. And I realized that when I started talking to a friend with the same problems. He became my best friend throughout high school.

What I’m trying to say is that taking your own life, or hurting yourself, will never be the right solution. It might seem like it, but there are people around you that can help. You just need to seek it for it to come. 

I was lucky to find that person immediately or I would have done something more serious.

There’s more to life than pain and heart ache, and there are more reasons to live than reasons to die.

Don’t lie just to see a smile. Don’t cheat just to satisfy a temporary hunger.

I don’t understand the humankind. There are lots of things to love, people to love. Why do WE waste our time hating on one?

I constantly hurt myself for you. If that doesn’t clue you in that I love you, then what would?

When you think you’re at the bottom and you can’t fight the forces on you anymore; when you think you’re fine ending your life and that nobody cares anymore; when you think the world hates you and that you’re insignificant, that hurting yourself would be the best solution, THINK ABOUT THIS:

You hurt yourself, but you don’t realize that you’re also hurting the people around you. There are people who love you for who you are, and taking your life or even attempting to do so is like saying that the people who love you don’t matter to you.

There is a reason why you’re still breathing, there still are things for you to do, for you to dream and make possible. There still are people who are waiting to meet you, things—new things—for you to do, and you can’t meet them or do those things if you’re gonna end your life.

I don’t care what you are, what gender, race or country you’re from. I don’t care if you’re gay, bisexual or anything, I don’t care if you’re black or white or anything, your life is important because no matter what other people say, you matter.

You know how, when you’re doing a document in Microsoft Word, you always save it because you’re afraid the computer might die on you, or something like that? 

Especially for a writer like me, I always save my works because I can’t take it if I lose them.

You know, how in life you always think you can’t care to lose something you have been working for your whole life?

But life does not have a save button, I’m afraid. When everything seems to die on you, you just have to keep writing.

The best thing about this life is that when you realize that the quotes won’t exactly solve anything, you would appreciate it more because you based your path on them. People who read something inspiring become inspired, those who read something happy become happy, those who read love quotes were to think of their beloved ones. And the words won’t exactly be the solution to a problem, but when you think of it, being happy is contagious; so is being sad, and being in love. 

Words are what makes this world spin right on its axis and as long as there are written words, there will be romance, drama, comedy, and thrill.

Can you imagine a life without words?